The elements of bonding

In every person, there is an inherent need to belong to a (or many) community, family, club or society. One is born into a natural family and wherever he grows up in, in school and in work, he will belong to his school of his workplace. And in the school he will belong to the class and so on.

But why do we longed to be belong? Perhaps it is because we all do not want to feel lonely. To belong, it seems that there are some activities which we have to do. When we are in primary school we play hop scotch and hide and seek. In secondary school we have adventure camps and PE games. In JC we have orientation and class outings. In army we have lots of shit. And in uni we have orientation camps and halls.

It seems that such friendship bonds are better forged when there is an intensive amount of contact games and activities, and when teamwork is formed. Moreover, I think that staying over together (in a camp or hostel or holiday) is a major essential component of forging closer bonds. When we rub one another’s shoulders, sleep together and do various other things together, somehow we get to know one another better, as we share intimate, possibly private and precious moments of our lives. We then become more comfortable with each other’s presence and we can click together better.

If these intimate elements are missing in a community, then the bonds created are more superficial, or there may be no bonds created at all. Besides, it takes a tremendous amount of effort and organisation to get everybody together. So actually the easiest solution is to throw everyone in some camp and out of it friendships will be created.

However there is also the problem of maintaining such bonds in friendship. As the frequency of meeting decreases, we tend to feel further apart an stranger. Often, there needs an organiser to plan outings and meetings regularly. Otherwise the group may become strangers. Which is perhaps why a research shows that friendships usually last a maximum of 7 years. Although personally I feel that good friendships should last longer than that.

Well interestingly, I’m writing this during a camp.

One thought on “The elements of bonding”

  1. Hm…I agree that everyone has an inherent need to bond. But when the urge to bond/socialise becomes so overwhelming, I think it is just better to control that need than to forcefully and excessively attempt to bond/socialise with others.

    I think its sad that friends drift away, but I guess its unavoidable (unless there’s a lot of effort placed by everyone). Sometimes the will to do so just dissipates. For me, when it gets to that, I’ll just try to hang on to the good times as cherished memories.

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